The emotion of anger and its management techniques differ for every individual. We all experience outbursts of anger from time to time, and we all have different tendencies to handle it. Generally, feeling of aggression depends on the situation you are in or rather say, which behavioural traits you carry during unfavourable times.
Let me share one short story of Gautam Buddha that will change your perspective on anger.
Once upon a time, Buddha went to a village and delivered his speeches. People of that village were happy and got inspired by the teachings. One day, a young man went angry and started shouting on Buddha. He tried to insult Buddha by uttering some disturbing comments like “Buddha is a fraud monk, and he is fooling everyone.” He was not happy with his presence in the village and also disagreed with his speeches.
That angry man kept on showing his rudeness towards Buddha. But Buddha didn’t get bothered by his bad behaviour. The angry man became angrier and increased the volume of his audacious remarks when Buddha ignored his rude behaviour.
The devotees tried to overcome his impudent behaviour, but Buddha stopped them and said, “It is not necessary to counter aggression by aggression.” Then Buddha passed a smile to that angry man and asked, “Please tell me one thing, if you buy a gift for someone, and that person does not take it, then to whom the gift belong?”
The young man replied, “It would belong to me because I bought the gift.” Buddha agreed to his answer and said, “You are right, that belongs to you. Same with your aggression; it also belongs to you.”
Adding to that quote, Buddha told him in a very calm manner,
“When you show anger to someone, and if that person does not feel insulted, then the anger falls back on you. So, you are the one who becomes sad and disappointed, not the other. Unintentionally, you hurt yourself emotionally.”
Recognition of the feelings is not easy for everyone. Some people realize the outcome of their aggression on time and stop themselves from being destructive to themselves or others. Whereas some just act as per the situation. They either keep their anger bottled in, or they explode. Both ways, it is dangerous. Thus, it is essential to think about this serious issue.
There are different reasons for our triggered emotions. One should differentiate the feelings of usual frustration and the point where the irritability triggers every time. Sometimes, issues like sleep deprivation, hunger or boredom can also bring frustration. Whereas things like stress, frequent arguments, fear, anxiety, or unbearable criticism, make any person lose self-control.
Therefore, it is essential to know the change in behavioural patterns. Otherwise, gradually things will start getting worse, and it would be difficult to understand the real issue.
There are different patterns of behaviour which depicts the kind of aggression for any individual.
- Inward or passive anger/aggression expresses self-harm like suicide or alcohol/drug addiction because a person doesn’t admit the emotion of anger to avoid confrontation.
- Outward or open anger/ aggression express shouting, breaking things, verbal or physical harassment, and abuse to others. However, this aggression can destroy relationships too.
- Assertive anger/aggression express controlled behaviour where a person thinks before speaking and show patience while communicating or expressing his/her perspective. This aspect plays a significant role in countering anger healthily. Expressing the emotions without raising the voice saves relationships.
Angry behavioural traits generate negative energy and result in many health issues like an increase in the blood pressure, heartbeat rate, or severe headache. Therefore, instead of bursting with anger, one should speak to a professional therapist.
According to the Harvard School of Public Health, a person is counted as healthier when he/she openly express his/her feelings rather than who hides or suppresses.
Also read: 8 Tips to handle a bad mood
Anger can be destructive at one point and constructive at another. It depends, how an individual takes it or handles it. It could be fruitful if we utilize it healthily as a factor of motivation to grow and achieve goals. However, it could be destructive if we don’t know how can to control it or deal with it?
“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger”. – Buddha
Therefore, one who has trouble controlling his/her anger should adopt some anger management techniques like:
Immediate or short-term tips:
- Try out boxing gloves on a punching bag – Hit it like you are hitting someone who made you angry.
- Call someone who can understand your situation and lowers down your temper at that moment.
- Write out your frustration if you can’t tell anyone.
- Try yoga or meditation to calm yourself.
- Cry if feel so – don’t keep aggressive emotions inside for long.
- Take yourself away from the person or the situation, which is increasing the boiling point of your anger.
- Try to divert your mind to something pleasant like food, music, flowers, etc.
- Sweat out hard in a gym – do extra workout and drain out negative emotion of anger.
- Checkout your thoughts – try to figure out whether the other person is intentionally annoying you or not.
- Try to think about other’s perspective on anger management – ask yourself if you have to make someone else calm, what will you do? Just do the same with your anger.
These tips won’t solve the problem but surely help you to bounce back to your healthy mental state where you can think calmly about the resolution. These tips may be useful to stop you from saying or doing anything which would lead you to regret later.
Also Read: Why we should keep our Smile always on?
Controlling anger at times is a challenge for everyone. So, it is advisable to learn and practice some relaxation skills to stay calm.
If you follow some unique techniques for anger management, do let us know in a comment box.